Journal Entry 10.30.2017

I’ve gained weight. I started to notice the weight gain a couple months ago soon after I had started to eat meat again. But that’s not the only reason I have been gaining. I’ve been spending more and more time at home in the bed. I would only garner up enough energy two maybe three times a week to go to the gym.

My appearance has a lot to do with the way that I feel so I have to get back on top of my diet and exercise. I have stopped eating meat again, this is now day 4. I feel so sluggish when I eat it and it’s so hard to stop eating it once you get back on it. The last time I was off of meat for years was after I watched this documentary on how the animals were raised and killed. I was done.
All it took was one bite and all those years were over.

I’m pretty committed psychologically again this time around. I saw another video showing worms living in salmon that was packaged and ready to sell inside of a national grocery store. GROSS. That and I saw a video of myself from my acting class, SMH. I know better.

Of all people, I know how hard it is to get the weight off of you. My weight has fluctuated up and down for years. I’ve never been OK with being overweight. It depresses me.

I’ve also been dealing with a significant amount of stress these past few months. A teenage son that is very indecisive about what he wants to do with his life, while at the same time under the impression he knows it all and has it all figured out. We have extended family living with us along with an unexpected garnishment, all of which has interfered with our financial plans. Already unable to focus, life just happens and deters me from staying on top of my nutritional and physical health. That and the fact that I have been up and down with my moods, loss of interest in things that once brought me joy, feeling lonely, bored, and getting kinda down.

I can’t help but to think that moving back to Texas was probably a bad decision for me and my family. I mean my husband and I both came and nabbed positions in our fields that set us up financially, but that’s about it when it comes to any actual good reasons. Every other aspect has been a struggle when it wasn’t so much when we were up north.

BUT HEY, YOU LOOK GOOD, YOU FEEL GOOD. Which goes to say that I better snap out of this. Body is a part of the overall treatment in being healthy mentally; Mind Body & Soul. I must stop stressing, continue to disconnect from people and situations that interfere with my healthy goals, stay focus, and put in the work.


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