Journal Entry

So I know on the About page of this blog I wrote how this blog is a platform to bring awareness to mental illness and all that jazz, and it is. As you can see from the archive date I posted that back in April of this year. Here it is October, six months and I’m finally posting an actual post. I got really discouraged at the time trying to create the actual web page and I just gave up. Now, six months later its an absolute must I make this work by any means necessary. That’s because I am using this blog as a resource in my treatment. I’ve committed myself to utilize this blog, in addition to bringing awareness to mental illness, to holding myself accountable for staying on top of my mental health. You can say that it’s part of my treatment plan. Sharing what I have learned and what I have gone through. Putting my cards out on the table; I’m trying to live and I mean that with everything in me. It’s my desire to do this without medication. I plan on doing this without medication by dedicating myself to eating healthy, working out, positive affirmations and spiritual guidance, seeing a therapist, and journaling. Today I feel like journaling. You know to be for real it’s a must that I journal right now because these feelings are getting real real, real fast.

I’ve been on quite the high these past couple of weeks and now I’m crashing. I feel the depression coming on and I got to do something to stall it.  I hate and I mean HATE depression. I’d rather have birthing contractions than to go through this mess. I’m feeling really sad right and for no particular reason except the fact that depression is the devil himself and it comes to take everything away from you-kill, steal, and destroy. My goal is to finish this post in just a couple of minutes so I can get some rest, get up in the morning and make myself look pretty, and get my mind set for success. I learned that years ago in therapy; Mindset for Success. Cute huh? In order for me to do that I have to think on those things that are good. Like….

  1. My husband and kids really love me, although the 19 year old one is stressing me OUT.
  2. I’m actually blogging. I mean seriously, do you know how long I have been wanting to do this and I’m doing it. I do like his feeling.
  3. I’m ALIVE. Now that’s a blessing.

It’s a small list and I do have more things to be happy about if I just really thought about it but I’m not feeling it. I need to get some rest because if I don’t get enough sleep I’m all over the place. If someone ever reads this, thank you. Thank you for thinking about me.

 

Goodnight

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